Purple Capuchin Monkey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
purplecapuchinmonkey) wrote2022-07-15 10:38 am
purplecapuchinmonkey) wrote2022-07-15 10:38 am
Journal entry from Feb. 1, 1999
Did I mention I been trying to kill myself? Yeah, I been eating whatever I like. Hardens the arteries, y'know. So today I may have suffered one of the effects.
According to various experts, one of which is my doctor, it was either a "pre-migraine aura," or a mini-stroke. I gotta go for a cat-scan Wednesday.
It was like I saw the light. A real bright light. You know how the sun blinds you momentarily when you look right at it?
It was a couple of minutes before I realized there *were* no such bright lights in the room I was in. My brain interpreted it as having looked into a bright light, and there I was, waiting for the effect to wear off. I couldn't see anything but a kaleidoscope impression in my left field of vision, and there was this semi-circle, or loop on the left side, occurring in *both* eyes, not just one, which was downright Psychedelic. Blue, green, red, yellow stripes, constantly changing, in this semi-circle which I took to be where the light hit my eyes.
Then it dawned on me that it wasn't going away. It was like that for about twenty minutes. Then, slowly, the semicircle creeped upwards and to the left until it was out of my field of vision.
Totally weird experience.
Not what I had in mind for a method of dying at all. I was thinking, maybe heart attack, and I'd be dead suddenly. But becoming mental? Losing my mind because of a stroke? I don't like that idea.
So now I gotta take an aspirin a day and change my eating habits. No more ham and pork chops.
But maybe it was just the pre-migraine thing. I'll know tomorrow, if I'm still alive by then.
So I thought I'd let you know, in case you don't hear tell of me again.
Bye, it's been real.
According to various experts, one of which is my doctor, it was either a "pre-migraine aura," or a mini-stroke. I gotta go for a cat-scan Wednesday.
It was like I saw the light. A real bright light. You know how the sun blinds you momentarily when you look right at it?
It was a couple of minutes before I realized there *were* no such bright lights in the room I was in. My brain interpreted it as having looked into a bright light, and there I was, waiting for the effect to wear off. I couldn't see anything but a kaleidoscope impression in my left field of vision, and there was this semi-circle, or loop on the left side, occurring in *both* eyes, not just one, which was downright Psychedelic. Blue, green, red, yellow stripes, constantly changing, in this semi-circle which I took to be where the light hit my eyes.
Then it dawned on me that it wasn't going away. It was like that for about twenty minutes. Then, slowly, the semicircle creeped upwards and to the left until it was out of my field of vision.
Totally weird experience.
Not what I had in mind for a method of dying at all. I was thinking, maybe heart attack, and I'd be dead suddenly. But becoming mental? Losing my mind because of a stroke? I don't like that idea.
So now I gotta take an aspirin a day and change my eating habits. No more ham and pork chops.
But maybe it was just the pre-migraine thing. I'll know tomorrow, if I'm still alive by then.
So I thought I'd let you know, in case you don't hear tell of me again.
Bye, it's been real.